kel (rockert) wrote,

i hate this...

why do i do this to myself?

this is going nowhere, i know. it has no room to breath. no time to allow it to be anything than what it is right now.

and yet here i am, like i have been so many nights this summer hoping he'll come online.

come online and ask me to hang out, or which i will coyly pretend maybe i have something better to do... maybe try and seem like it doesnt matter if we hang out or now, even though all day I've been waiting until midnight until he got off work so he would utter those words..

for the first time in 2 years he has the power.
and i hate it.
and i hate that im online waiting.

but for the first time i dont hate him..
hell, maybe i like him now more so than when we even dated.

funny how things work out.. or dont.

1:30 is last call.. after that I head to bed.. with or without word from said boy. Tonight, sadly will most likely be without...
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